I know this is from the onion but I honestly don’t even doubt it
*British blogger voice* I CAN’T BELIEVE AMERICANS DON’T HAVE TREES OR AIR OR FOOD OR NOUNS
I love sunglasses, am I looking at that tree? Am I staring at your dick? Who knows!
im pretty sure i just found someone throwing a dead body into a lake on google maps
"I really don’t want to shower but I want to be clean" an autobiography
"Now that I’m in the shower I really dont wanna get out" a sequel
"Now that I’m out, I don’t want to put on clothes" the spin-off
"I’m sitting here in my towel and I must have showered 2 hours ago" the self help booklet
my fall look today is winged eyeliner, plum lipstick, and a look on my face like i’m fucking your boyfriend and can’t wait for you to find out.
My fall look is simple liner with bold lashes, burgundy lipstick, a gleam in my eyes that let’s men know that I’ll suck their dick, their money out of their bank accounts, and the souls right out of their bodies.
this is my favorite post on tumblr currently