sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST
shout out to all of the custodians, cooks, garbage truck drivers, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, waiters, and every one else whose jobs and entire fucking existences get shit on by the same people who wouldn’t know what to do with their lives if they had to do anything for themselves
sir please leave the caption writing for people who are actually funny
If this was the 1600’s i’d have been married for 5 years by now
plus i’d have 8 children and i’d die next week
if you ever feel like a failure in love remember that one time i told someone i loved them and the first thing they said is that i owed them money
Oh look, a photoset! You know what that means?
Night mucker fothers.
my dad used to have an ear piercing in the eighties and someone asked him “does it make you gay if your piercing is on the right side or the left” and he replied “it makes you gay if you love cock”